How to Support Someone Through Disappointment: What Actually Helps
- Lisa Dunk
- 12 minutes ago
- 1 min read
If someone you care about is facing something painful—like a cancer diagnosis—you want to help. But sometimes the best way to show up… is simpler than you think.
For caregivers, friends, and the well-meaning-but-lost
If someone you love is dealing with cancer—or any big, painful disappointment—here’s your permission slip to stop trying to fix it.
Disappointment doesn’t need a silver lining right away. It needs presence. Witnessing. Space.
You don’t need perfect words. You just need to be willing to sit in the mess with them. Say, “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here.” Say, “That’s so unfair.” Say, “I see how much this sucks.”
Support isn’t always solutions—it’s staying power. It’s being there still when the casseroles stop coming and the texts slow down. It’s letting them feel their feels without rerouting the conversation to hope or gratitude.
3 real ways to show up without making it worse:
1. Validate without advice. Say, “That’s hard. I’m so sorry.” (Not “At least…” or “Have you tried…”)
2. Offer practical help. Instead of “Let me know if you need anything,” try: “Can I bring dinner Tuesday or Thursday?” Be specific.
3. Be consistent. Support isn’t about a grand gesture—it’s about checking in again next week. And the week after that.
In short? Disappointment is heavy. Help them carry it by showing up and shutting up (lovingly).
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